Disk-o

WOOT!!! I fit on the carnival rides again.  Felt really good to be able to fit on the rides after many many many years of not being able too.

Part of my healing path not food and weight related.

Where to start?  This is more about me then I care to really know myself.  I will start with me in high school.  I was the type of girl that thought I could help everyone.  The guys that seemed like they needed help were extremely attractive to me.  I liked a lot of different guys but I decided I was madly in love with the one that would become my first husband.  I had so many warning signs that he shouldn’t be but I didn’t listen or see them @ the time.  I didn’t want to I loved him.  The one and only time I almost broke it off before marrying him I got the poor me act and I fell for it hook line and sinker.  So we ended up married.  On our Wedding day.  In my mind he went from loving boyfriend to I own you now mentality.  My mom says he told her before he married me that he saw me and thought she’s mine.  Her telling me he said that was one of the warning signs that I didn’t want to see.  I got treated way different then he had ever treated me.  I had been raised to stay with and obey my husband and I took that as stay with and obey no matter what.  Totally not the way they ment it and I know that now.  His temper almost killed me 5 different times.  He thought he owned me so I was forced to do things that I consider totally wrong and definitely weren’t things God would of wanted me to do.  He destroyed things he knew were important to me and clearly wanted me fat because he would tie me down and force feed me.  <yes he got me fat to start with but it’s my fault I still am there that’s why I’m working so hard to change that and have by 163lbs so far>.

First time I tried to get out of the situation was when his anger turned on our daughter.  He made me hold her well he told her to throw her doll in the fire.  He went and got the kids from my parents and told me to come back that night or there would be major trouble so I did for my kids.  Second time I tried was shortly after and I had a restraining order put on him.  we ended up in court because he originally fought the restraining order but when we got to court he admitted everything and agreed to go to counseling if the judge would allow us to be together for counseling.  That seemed to work for a while but it wasn’t long before he told me he was moving all of us to a house his grandma owned.  Ended up he moved the kids and I but not him and moved others in with him.  I moved back to Eugene and it wasn’t long before he was back in my life again.  This time he was better for quite some time.  Then all of a sudden his anger was back.  This time he was yelling and screaming at me and our son turned the TV on in the other room.  He went out and told him to turn it off and it got quiet again.  He came back to finish yelling at me and heard the click of the TV again and went flying into the other room telling our son I told you to turn it off.  I followed just in time to see him pick up the tv and throw it towards our son.  Missed him thank goodness but to this day I believe that it is a lot of why his personality changed from the happy go lucky child that showed everyone his personality and love to the young man that holds everything in.  We split for good after that.  I didn’t want him hurting my kids but the damage was already done.  I dated and lived with an older guy for a while after that mainly because he treated me better.  That didn’t last for reasons I don’t care to mention.  Then my second husband.  Met him well with the first and should of known better with him.  I let the needy act get me even after seeing how he treated 3 of his ex girlfriends, ex wife and his twin daughters.  He was very revengeful and controling with them.  I just knew things would be different for us.  1 month into the marriage he started trying to get me to let others into our relationship and I fought it.  First husband had done enough of that to me.  Later we split up for 3 weeks but like a dummy I thought I missed him to much to stay away.  We got back together under his terms.  I did many things I wish I could change from first time I got married till him and I split up the final time.  Only good thing that came from that was my 2 wonderful children and great step kids. 

I know God has forgiven me but other then my 2 wonderful kids I was blessed with and  Twin Step daughters that I still talk to sometimes life was really bad because I let thinking but I love him blind me to what I should of been looking out for.  Questions I should of asked myself.  Does he really love God like I do?  There were signs of that answer being no if I had paid attention.  Is he doing things just to get me?  He didn’t go to church before I said I only would only date a christian. Why are others warning me against marrying him?  So many did.  Love is great but I should of made sure every thing lined up with what God wanted for my life.  My life now is so much better with true love and RESPECT.  Respect is a huge factor.  In a good relationship love, respect, honesty and communication are extremely important not just with you but also with your family and friends.  I got blocked off from everyone that was important to me during that time too and let the guys affect how I felt about family and old friends.  Bad News.

Finally got a man that loves me and my family and wants to be around them all.  What a blessed feeling that is. 

bad healthy and debt going out the door together.

Hubby and I’s latest picture together.

I’m down 238lbs.  I’ve gotten down were I can get some 16W’s on.  That is a great feeling.  Hubby just got a new job he started today.  So things are definitely looking up.  We are working on our health though he’s pretty dang healthy and on our finances which is so much easier with him working again.  Though was dwindling our debts even without him working just a lot slower.

We went to bike shop to look at bikes well a few different ones.  We are planning a head for road bikes since my abilities have out grown the townie I have currently.  So we are planning on getting both of us a road bike once the last 2 debts are paid and working on saving for a house as well.  Feeling really good about how our health and our finances are going.

It has been a good week.

I’m down to 240lbs now will soon be out of my 240′s WOOT.  I’m now in Class II obesity instead of Class III  that is a good feeling.  Will be extremely glad when it gets out of obesity zone but that will be a bit yet. 

The little boy I babysit got here this morning and his Mom told me that he told her that Connie’s tummy was getting smaller.  It’s cool that even little kids are noticing the changes in me. 

I didn’t have him this last week and hubby and I did a lot of weeding and riding bikes our longest bike ride now is 36 miles well I did longer once on a Terra Trike but that’s a lot different then a 2 wheeled bike. 

Still going barefoot all the time but if asphalt starts getting much warmer the huarache sandals are going to have to start going on I love them for that type of situation or for places that have a lot of glass.  They are almost always with me in a fanny pack for those just in case times. 

Went to a E2L potluck was fun being with other health conscious individuals.    

Plateau but still changing size.

I’m seem to be stuck at 245lbs last couple of weeks but Clothing is still getting looser so I’m ok with that.  Hubby and I have been doing a lot of biking.  27 to 30 mile bike rides 2 to 3 times a week.  Lots of fun. 

WOOT!!! Lots of new clothing.

I am so blessed to have a wonderful friend who gave me a TON of clothing.  He gave me so much clothing that I chose what I wanted out of all of it and am passing on rest to other friends that wear same size that need them.  One of my friends that house burnt down a month ago is coming over today to chose what she wants out of what is left and there is enough to give her and someone else a full wardrobe left still. 

I love that the weather is getting better too.  Going to be going for a lot more bike rides.  Need to work on getting either a bike trailer or a child seat for my bike though so that I can bike with the kiddo I babysit.

Last nights bike ride.

We didn’t start out till 6:15pm and got back home at 9:56 after a 26.35 mile bike ride.  We saw people, cars, trains, bunny rabbits, horses, Foxes, Sheep, Dogs, cats and all well on the bike path.  From home to Gresham Main City park and back.  Was a lot of fun.  And of course the Creek and swampy areas with Ducks too.  There was this really cool looking little bird too that I tried to get on camera but it didn’t work.  It was black with bright red color on it’s wings next to it’s body.  Was really pretty.